27 Very Good Years

September 26, 1989. I entered a new era of mothering. Our son Joseph turned 13. I'd been hearing the solemn and foreboding words since he was a baby in my arms. "Just wait until he's a teenager!"  Words of warning and dread, said almost on the sly, as if to tell me a secret I did not know.

On that day in 1989, Lee and I embarked on the first of nearly 27 years of parenting teenagers. 5 sons. 2 daughters. In the wee hours of this morning, February 10, 2016, like a morning not so very long ago, Lanessa arrived, wanted and welcomed by us, and her three teenage siblings and three in-betweens. She turns 20 today. I say good-bye to an era. No more teenage children. Though I wouldn’t want it any other way, I will miss the teenage times. I’m nostalgic. They were good years. Not perfect. Not without challenges. But very good. Years I wouldn’t trade for anything. My teenagers taught me much, and loved me more. Blessed, I am.

I now offer the words whispered to me, passing them on to parents of the young, “Just wait until they're teenagers!” I say it delightfully, shouting with a “wow” in my heart, as I anticipate the parents’ good times ahead. New adventures, animated conversations, energetic thought, passionate dreams, unbounded laughter and a new kind of tears. They sing and they dance. They stay up late and sleep in if they can. They clean out the fridge and (sometimes) clean up the mess. Some fill the house with their friends while others retreat to fill their own souls. They question and they test, challenge and cheer. Their hopes and their hollers become music to ears. They go from riding bicycles to driving cars (or motorcycles), and on to dangers unknown. They play and they plan, some off to college while others stay home. New styles and slang, new language and longings, mystery and might, wrapped up in these teenagers so loved and enjoyed. They’re kind and courageous, forgiving and strong. When the door opens and they’re home for the night, all seems right for awhile.

Okay. I turned poetic for a moment. I know parenting teenagers isn’t prose. It’s in-the-trenches hard work. It’s late nights, early mornings, and a frenetic pace in-between. Some days it’s building bridges and tearing down walls. While it stretches and strengthens the bond between, it’s fertile soil for words left better unsaid, and for actions with cause to regret. I have memories of times I’d like to rewind and do over. Do better. Do right. I know firsthand parenting teenagers is a time when much of a parent’s own “stuff” gets triggered, replayed, rehashed, …and if we’re lucky, resolved. I know it’s tiring, and taxes any reserve we think we may have (I’m thankful my children have kind and generous hearts).

I speak only from my own experience (which is all I have). For whatever it’s worth (and I think it's a lot), I add two words to that often-heard phrase “Just wait until they’re teenagers.” These two words. “Have FUN!” Not the roller coaster exhilaration of a fast ride ( fun that goes faster and lasts longer, methinks!).  The FUN of relishing these precious years. The FUN that brings joy and peace and makes memories to nurture their souls and ours in all time to come. Whatever it takes!  All for the love we knew the first moment we held them to our hearts, and knew it would be forever.

So goodbye, teenage years. It was a great ride!

And to my precious daughter Lanessa, Happy Birthday! I love you soooooo much. You made it easy—and FUN!    xoxo

Postscript: Lanessa has a  headline taped on her bedroom wall that boldly asks  “What’s Next?”  I don’t know the details of what’s ahead, though I often try to guess. Not mine to know, but there is One who does, who loves her more (how can that be!). Like that day 20 years ago, and every day since, I thank God for gifting her straight to my heart.